By: Leigh

Leigh — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:11:29 +0000

Thank you so very much everyone for the many replies to my post. All the emotional support has been deafening!

By: Leigh

Leigh — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 04:29:14 +0000

self-harm is wrong???
don’t judge until you have walked in my shoes. After decades of busting my guts for my husband and children, working both outside and inside the home, without ever hearing a kind word, a simple thank you, without emotional support, without acknowledgement, without a caring world from my family who were always much too busy to look at my face, to listen to my needs, my words, without praise for all the good things I have done for my family. Instead, being constantly reminded of my bad bits. I have never been in trouble with police, am not a drinker, smoker nor do drugs. Just how “good” does a wife and mother need to be to get a little love and attention. Here I was, an educated stupid fool who always put myself last above my family. I had always been a very healthy and emotionally strong person. Then suddenly and without warning the tide turned and I became depressed. I was diagnosed with depression and post-traumatic stress. Surprise, surprise, my dearly beloved family could not handle my illness. They told me to snap-out of it fast. Then, my husband of 30 years walked out on me for a much younger woman, claiming he did not love me anymore as a wife. I didn’t see much of my children after they left home because they were so busy with careers, dining out, hanging about with friends, busy with this and busy with that. I slowly withdrew into myself. I suffered for months in silence. I questioned God why this was happening to me. God didn’t reply – maybe he was too busy. My emotions became painfully unbearable and I decided I to get out of this Hell on Earth where society is becoming more and more selfish, greedy, self-absorbed and where family don’t seem to matter anymore like it used to. I had had enough. When you become sick, old or useless for a period of time, most people turn their backs. They cannot or refuse to deal with this unfortunate side of life. Much to my anger, my suicide attempt failed and I spent a few weeks locked-up in a so called modern-day public hospital that resembled less than third-world standard. I was shocked with what I saw there. There was emotional abuse, threats, intimidation and no patients’ rights were observed by hospital staff. Male patients would often attempt to get sexual favours from female patients, as the hospital staff turned a blind eye. The hospital provided no psychological assessment, no counselling and no patients advocate. The staff were very cold and only spoke when it was time to fill patients bellies with pills and more pills. All those pills were doing more harm than good, messing around with my brain. The pills combined with the lack of care, the noise and shouting by other patients, actually made me feel more suicidal. But in order for me to be released from that hell-hole I had to pretend in such a perfect manner that I was no longer suicidal, while st the same time thinking and planning of the various methods to kill myself when I was released from that hell-hole. Finally I was thrilled to go back to my home, alone, but doing alright. Thank you for listening and God Bless!

Comments on: Social justice

By: Leigh

By: Leigh